Step 1: Noticing Harm
📋 What it is
The first repair step is NOTICING that a rupture happened — spotting the signs that someone got hurt.
🗣️ Coach says
You can’t repair what you don’t notice. Signs of a rupture: someone goes quiet, pulls away, looks upset, or the mood suddenly changes. Tuning in to those signals — in others AND in yourself — is step one. Missing them isn’t cruelty; it’s just a skill to build.
🧠 Memory hook
Repair starts with NOTICING: quiet, pulling away, a changed mood = signs a rupture happened.
😂 Giggle
Why is "I'm sorry you feel that way" a fake apology?
Because it blames the other person's feelings instead of owning what YOU did!
😲 Whoa!
A lot of conflicts grow not because someone was mean, but because the hurt went un-NOTICED and un-addressed.
✅ Quick check: Why is "noticing" the first step of repair?
Say your answer out loud first — then reveal.
You can’t repair a rupture you haven’t realized happened.
Awareness that harm occurred has to come before any repair.
🧪 Try it! (2 minutes)
Practice reading signals: watch a scene and spot the exact moment someone gets hurt. What was the sign?