Step 3: Naming the Impact
📋 What it is
Naming the impact is understanding and saying HOW the rupture affected the other person — their feelings, not just the facts.
🗣️ Coach says
Facts ("I forgot our plan") matter less than IMPACT ("…and you felt left out and unimportant"). Naming the impact shows you actually get why it hurt. It’s the difference between "sorry I was late" and "sorry I was late — I know you felt like you didn’t matter to me." The second one repairs.
🧠 Memory hook
Name the IMPACT, not just the fact: "…and you felt ___." Showing you get the hurt is what heals.
😂 Giggle
Why did taking responsibility feel powerful, not weak?
Because owning your part is brave — and it's what makes repair possible!
😲 Whoa!
People forgive far faster when they feel UNDERSTOOD than when they just hear the word "sorry".
✅ Quick check: What’s stronger: "sorry I was late" or "sorry I was late — I know that made you feel unimportant"?
Say your answer out loud first — then reveal.
The second — it names the IMPACT, showing you understand how it felt.
Naming the emotional impact proves real understanding, which is what repairs.
🧪 Try it! (2 minutes)
Take "I forgot to text back" and add the impact: "…and you probably felt ___." Practice the fuller version.