Real vs Fake Apology
📋 What it is
A sincere apology owns what YOU did; a "non-apology" (like "sorry you feel that way") blames the other person’s feelings.
🗣️ Coach says
Not all "sorries" are equal. A real apology: "I’m sorry I ___, that was wrong, and I’ll ___." A non-apology dodges: "sorry you feel that way," "sorry IF I upset you," "I said sorry, what more do you want?" Spotting the difference protects you from fake repairs and helps you give real ones.
🧠 Memory hook
Real: "I’m sorry I DID ___." Fake: "sorry you FEEL ___." A real apology owns YOUR action.
😂 Giggle
Why did assuming the worst make it worse?
Because most hurtful things aren't done on purpose — checking your assumption saves a lot of trouble!
😲 Whoa!
"I’m sorry you feel that way" is such a famous non-apology that researchers use it as the textbook example of dodging responsibility.
✅ Quick check: Why is "I’m sorry you feel that way" a non-apology?
Say your answer out loud first — then reveal.
It blames the other person’s feelings instead of owning what YOU did.
A sincere apology takes responsibility for your action, not their reaction.
🪄 Trick question: Is "I already said sorry, what more do you want?" a real apology?
Careful — think it through, then reveal.
No — it’s a non-apology; it pressures the other person instead of owning the harm.
Demanding the hurt person move on shifts blame; it isn’t sincere repair.
🧪 Try it! (2 minutes)
Turn a non-apology ("sorry if you were upset") into a real one ("I’m sorry I ___, and I’ll ___").